April 06, 2004

The Undergarment from Hell

While I admit that women's undergarments have come a long way (baby) from the days of metal cages and whalebone (although whalebone IS surprisingly comfortable, as long as it's custom-fitted to you), space-age materials have not changed the basic fact that so-called body-shapers are attempting to aid in subsuming several inches of FAT (there, I said the f-word) into one's internal organs. (Boy. Run-on sentence from hell, too.) The benefit of said modern materials is that one need not get an undergarment fitted, nor waste all that time tugging laces and snapping snaps and diddling with all those tiny little hooks... instead, one gets a 2o-minute aerobic workout in the bathroom trying to coerce an awful lot of body into an awfully tiny pair of shorts.

I don't generally spend much time worrying over my looks, but I didn't really want to shop for an entirely new "career outfit," either, and... well... okay, I *was* worrying over my looks.

And so, ladies (sorry, gents, it wouldn't fit you), I introduce you to the Undergarment from Hell:

Before:
manatee
After:

Maidenform Flexees Flex Waist

Posted by gris at April 6, 2004 04:32 PM
Comments

BWAH-HA-HA!!!!!

Okay, that amused me more than strictly necessary.

I've tried "control undergarments" before. The low-waisted ones produce an unsightly bulge at my midsection. The high-waisted ones have two possible effects - usually, they ROLL as soon as I adopt a posture which requires my waist to bend at all, and do not unroll. If they don't roll, they shove all my fat upwards, so that I look like I have two rows of breasts, like some sort of bloated Star Trek alien woman.

Posted by: Liz at April 6, 2004 05:15 PM

::LAUGH:: Yes-- this one's high-waisted, and it had a tendency for just the waistband-part to sort of fold over itself every time I bent to the side, or forward, causing the double-strengh elastic to sort of bite into my ribs. Not bruised, thankfully, but not pleasant. The rest of it-- the actual fat-holding part-- was quite comfy to wear, really. They just need to work on the edges.

Posted by: Gris at April 6, 2004 05:52 PM