Well, first off....

We all know I have a major crush on Vin Diesel, and if you didn't, you obviously have not been paying attention. Oh... my my my my my... He's right up there on my cute-o-meter with the extremely gorgeous and equally funny Oded Fehr (how can you take an Arabian Knight seriously who prefers to carry a tommy-gun? Take him to bed, yes. Take him seriously, no.)

Spoilers Ahead (well, no, not really, but if you want to pretend the plot isn't as obvious as a zit on prom night...)

To be perfectly honest, xXx is trash. Utterly, completely, totally... trash.

Yeah, so what?

For two hours, you don't care that this is a thirteen-year-old boy's wet dream (fast cars, faster babes, and a lot of explosions slapped together with a haphazard explanation done in bad Russian accents), you don't care that the music is too loud, the lines have more mozerella than a triple cheese pizza, that the whole thing is just screaming to have a nintendo game made from it.

You're completely unsurprised by Danny Trejo showing up as the Columbian Drug Lord (I mean, come on, who else ever plays the completely over-the-top Mexican-Scumbag?) You're totally prepared for Asia Argento to be a secret agent... and of course, you're completely aware that, once again, the good guys (or, in this case, the Bad Dude - as opposed to the Bad Guys) will save the day. Sort of.

And yet, every little thing... just perfect.

The action sequences... wow. An avalanche filmed like it was an act of love, every detail just blows you out of your seat... amazing! The stunts (most of them done by Vin himself) are just intense, and, shot from several different angles all at once (while, admittedly, sort of reminiscent of hard-core Anime kung-fu fighting) are breathtaking.

And then there's the little things that just made it so perfect. Xander chasing Yelena (and just right here, I have to say that I thought she was adorable... no $10,000 per breast silicone job on that girl!) across the dance floor "But I'm a really good dancer!" with just the right tone of anticipated rejection... the way, completely tattood-up-the-wazzoo X can sit, perfectly at ease, in a very ritzy Prague resturant and not look completely out of place... the very-not-cool coat that he always wears... the brief moment, watching The Evil Villian Yorgi slaughter a bunch of Russian scientists, where he wipes his eyes before impatiently peering through his techno-specs... and gods! the way that man kisses!

Color this one as the best "park your brain at the door, get an extra-large popcorn and do not hold the artificial butter-flavored grease, and hold on to your chair" action flicks I've seen in quite a while!