Twenty Random Things

I'm not really sure I have anything to talk about, but I'm just going to ramble here for a while...

1 - There is a Very Large Dead Bug in my front entryway. "Front entryway" is a grand sounding word for the tiny patch of linoleum right in front of the door. I know this bug is Very Dead because it's been there for at least five days now. Laying on its buggy back with its buggy feet in the air. It's a palmetto bug.

It's still laying there because I have this thing about dead things. I really, really don't like them. So I don't really want to pick the bug up and get rid of it, but I don't actually really know what else to do with it. It's too big to get sucked up in my dustbuster.

I've mentioned to Kevin a few times that it was there and he nods and doesn't do anything about it either.

I'll probably eventually sweep it out the door. But not today.

2 - One of my friends is doing something that I think is really, really stupid. I don't think it's going to solve any of the problems that he thinks it's going to solve and I think it's going to create an entire realm of new ones that he hasn't even considered.

He is not listening to me At All when I express these things to him. This both frustrates me and makes me feel old. I thought I had another 20 years before I was supposed to be giving lectures to young people about the stupidity of their ways.

3 - I hate Christmas. Have I mentioned that? I'm sure I did. Christmas, to me, is all about my inadequacy. I never get the right gifts for people, or spend as much money as they do, or remember everyone... I don't dress right, I'm not cheery enough, I don't give money to charity, I don't get a warm fuzzy feeling. Instead, I feel annoyed. I dread every minute of Christmas Carols and stupid holiday decorations and false sappiness and sentiment. I get stressed. I get upset thinking about the money I don't have to be buying gifts I can't really afford. I get too busy to get anything done right. And most of all, I just don't... feel anything.

4 - I have a veritable fleet of tiny little ships on my desktop. I think they're very, very cute, especially the ones with oar banks. For whatever reason, these little ships always make me want to play 7Th Sea.

5 - I made a double CD for Liz for her birthday present entitled From May to December. I listen to that playlist almost constantly now while I'm writing. One of the songs on the CD, Despre Tine, I have listened to 86 times since I purchased it this summer.

6 - I love making photo albums. I wish I had more time and space to make them. My current projects are Christmas presents, but the two after that I'm planning to make are For Me. Which is good, since I'd really like to keep some... the first one is Kevin and mine's wedding album. The second will be a growth album (start with a few 2-4 page spreads to mark some events, then add pages as more events happen). I'm planning to call it Jess's Journeys and cover events that Kevin and I take her to like the zoo, or museams.

7 - I need, desperately need, a title for my novel. I've been calling it "my novel" or "my current project" since I started it. The working title I just came up with the other day Soul of the Marks sounds okay, but didn't get a "oh, that's nice" from my test audience, so I'm again unhappy with it. (This is not a complaint about my test audience, that's what she's there for.)

8 - Jess has asked me several times for a "cret". Or maybe it's a "quret". I have no idea what this is, except that I apparently don't have one on my desk.

9 - I have a new addiction. Go Pets. My userid is tisfan, if you want to look me up. Be sure to say I sent you, if you join up!

10 - My English teacher from high school is publishing his third book shortly. I'm very pleased for him.

11 - I have a polaroid of me and my parents, back when I was maybe six or seven years old. We're at my grandparents' lake house up in northern New York. My mom has a really awful late seventies haircut. She looks like one of Charlie's Angels, really. My dad's got his arm around her shoulders and I'm standing in front of them, looking sullen. I'm not really sure why I keep it up there. None of us looks particularly happy... It's not even framed or anything. It's just this battered polaroid that I can't seem to bring myself to get rid of.

12 - About three months ago, Kevin asked me to sew a button on his green checked work shirt. The shirt is still folded on my desk waiting for me to repair it.

13 - Jess still has Halloween Candy left. She's had at least one piece every day since Halloween.

14 - Leaving the movies the other day (we saw the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe), I said to Kevin "I thought Mr. Tumnus was cute." Kevin laughed and said "Well, maybe. Without the goat legs and the ears and all." I responded, "No, actually, I liked the ears. And the little horns. Kinda sexy, actually." Kevin stopped and stared at me. "And you complain about Catgirls??"

15 - I hate Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Even when they are Hot Doughnuts Now! We used to sell Krispy Kreme doughnuts for band fundraisers. I also hate Dr. Pepper. Everyone who was in the band drank Dr. Pepper. If you didn't drink Dr. Pepper, you were an outcast in the band. An outcast from the group of outcasts. I drank Dr. Pepper for three years in high school even though I always hated it.

16 - I keep wondering if it's wrong that I don't particularly like my cats. I've always liked cats, I've always had at least one cat... but these cats, I just don't care for. I miss Sandi and Bear. I don't want to take them to the SPCA or anything because that would be rude. But I keep thinking about how long cats live and wondering if I can wait that long to have a pet that I like again...

17 - The next person who says "Where have you been?" to me is going to get their head ripped off and their heart pulled up out of the steaming remains of their neck. No, I don't have time to be on IRC all the time. No, I don't have time to be on Warcraft all the time. When I'm around, I'm around and when I'm not, I'm not. I'm not dead (yet) or sick (usually). I'm just doing something else right now and I'm getting very, very, VERY tired of people acting like they have some sort of exclusive monopoly on my free time. Which I seem to have so very little of in the FIRST place.

18 - Ok, that was very, very hostile. Maybe I have some issues I need to work out. It's probably that it's Christmas, which seems to always bring out a lot of my repressed hostility, because, after all, large gatherings of family you're not entirely comfortable with is the perfect time to be hostile. Ug. Do you think someone could get me a prescription for Paxil or something? Valium? Just for the holidays?

19 - My father in law called us by mistake a few weeks ago. He was meaning to call Kevin's brother and his wife instead. I didn't tell Kevin that's what happened, just that Fred called. We chatted for about 15 minutes. I feel strange knowing that I have a closer relationship with my father in law than my husband does. I also feel strange knowing that Fred didn't mean to call us.

20 - Kevin got MVP award this month for his work on the ISO audit. This wonderful award gives him a $50 gift certificate to take us out to dinner, 2 movie tickets and $10 worth of popcorn/drinks. He's in a better mood. I'm not.

Posted by tisfan at December 10, 2005 11:19 PM