Talking 'bout a resolution

I'd suggest walking away from this entry, if you're not pleased with things like dentistry or long, vaguely gross details. Just, you know, so you know.

I don't generally make New Year's Resolutions, just on the idea that it's sort of pointless to make a resolution, as most of the time, no one follows them anyway, and honestly, I can find plenty of things to feel guilty about without volunteering to add more of them to my life.

That being said, my resolutions, when I do make them, tend to be sort of open-ended... and flexible. I find I work better that way. For instance, I never actually resolved to quit smoking. I just did it when I was ready to do it. And, speaking of, in February, it will be 8 years since I quit. Which is pretty damn impressive, and I only occasionally miss smoking now. Usually when I'm stressed beyond belief.

This year, however, I had a number of things I was dissatisfied with, and decided to make some changes. As it happened, the first one I had already started the process with back in November and it so happened to be taking place right after the first of the year, and so it was just convenient that way and had nothing really whatsoever to do with New Years at all.

That being: Go to the dentist.

I have not been to the dentist in a long, long time. It's been so long really that I don't actually remember when it was, just that it was long ago. I was still back in Lynchburg, if that helps anyone else place about whenish.

I know, I know. Really, I do. I know better. The problem is what the problem has always been. I cannot shit money out my ass. Dental insurance, when it's available, is a fucking joke. And for a long time, it's not been available. Kevin and I have spent the last several years digging our way out of debt. And I just... couldn't bring myself to put us back into it.

I don't usually talk about my teeth problems with anyone. It's embarassing. Not just because my teeth are vile, but because I hate admitting to people - even to people that I know and who know the situation - that my family is about 2 paychecks away from being homeless. Savings? Pah! I don't have savings. Well, we do, but it's not very much, honestly.

However, in November, I was eating something - I don't even remember what anymore, not something that had a risk, I thought of tooth destruction - and I ended up spitting out a small, silver-colored filling and a palmful of white and brown... stuff. Tooth bits. Yuck.

I examined my mouth with my tongue and discovered that the entirety of one tooth was missing from the middle. Oh joy. So, I called and made the appointment, although they couldn't see me for two months. So much for "taking new patients."

I have to confess that I've been growing more and more nervous about this appointment. There's nothing quite like knowing you've fucked up and then having to wait for the lecture on it, and knowing you're going to get the lecture about fucking up, that it's inevitable to get the lecture for fucking up... Not to mention the finances.

And that I didn't really know how bad things were. Would it, I often wondered, be cheaper and easier in the long-run to have all my teeth yanked out and replaced with dentures. I started paying attention to denture commercials. No one in those commercials is ever, ever, EVER under 50 years old.

So... today was the day.

First off, I have to say, the dentist was Very Nice. He wasn't nasty about the state of my teeth, either in words or in Significant Eyerollings towards his assistant. He didn't lecture me about not being at the dentist in recent history, either. Nor did he criticize my brushing, flossing, or hygiene. (I do, actually, do those things. Very, very regularly. I usually actually brush about 5 times a day, sometimes more. Now, a lot of that is because I get food stuck in nasty places because of holes in my teeth.) And yes, the last dentist I visited did do those things, and I resent it. I know that my mouth is in bad shape, I don't need to be lectured about it. Especially since getting lectured means that I continued to put OFF getting work done and just made it worse all the way around, including for the original dentist because he didn't get any more of my money and he could have, if he hadn't humiliated me.

So, he took some x-rays and poked and prodded at my mouth some. Fortunately, while we were talking, he asked me about any reactions to anesthetics. To which I said, "Well, local ones are fine, but if we have to do a general, we'll want to make arrangements for a hospital, since it has been known to send me into pulmanary collapse. We found that out the hard way when I had to be intubated while they put my leg back together."

He put down his tools. "What happened to your leg?"

"I was in a bad car accident, broke my leg in five places. I have some titanium in there, holding my ankle together."

He asked for more details, so I described the procedure and what pieces were still in place (1 plate, 6 small screws, 2 larger screws). Lucky I did. Apparently, there's a chance with dental work (because of all the germs in the human mouth, yay, isn't that always appealing... I hate thinking about that, so my husband is going to be very, very lucky if I kiss him again for a MONTH) that the immune system will get all wonked out as germs go from the mouth into the system (from cuts during the dental work, etc) and cause bio-rejection of my various bits and pieces to start up again. Which would mean multiple surgeries to fix my ankle again, etc etc. Not. Good.

The upshot of all this is that I have to go on massive antibiotics prior to any dental work. Which means nothing could be fixed today, and indeed, no cleaning could be done. Just because it's a nasty risk and no one wants to deal with it, not the least of which being me.

So then he mapped out all my teeth and what work needed to be done. And it's not as bad as I thought it would be, although it is not Good. By any shot.

On the plus side, I don't have gum disease, which is a fracking miracle, if you ask me. I need three root canals, 4 crowns, and 20 fillings. Yes, I know, that's a lot. But it could be a lot worse and he says he's seen much worse, and that it is, actually, all repairable. It's probably going to cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $7,000. Of which my insurance pays 60%. Leaving me to pay about $3,000. Ish.

However, we have $1,300 put aside in flex spending for medical stuff. And generally about $1,500 worth of tax-returns. So... I think we can manage to pay for this. And, as a courtesy, he's not charging me for any office visits, x-rays, or cleanings provided I get the entirety of the work done.

That leads to part 2 of my 4 part New Year's Resolution, which was actually getting all the work DONE, once I'd found out what it was going to be. So, my next appointment is in about a month (I've got some prescription mouthwash that he wants me to use in the meantime to help cut down on the possibility of infection).

Funny thing is, I also got part 3 of my Resolutions started today as well.

I looked back over 2005 and realized that I'd read one (1) book that I hadn't previously read. In the entire. Year. One. (1). Pathetic. I had another book that Liz lent me that I'd skimmed through a bit before Jess poured coffee all over it, but that doesn't count. Sorry, Liz.

So, I resolved to read at least one new book per month this year. New as in I haven't previously read it, not necessarily new as in just got from the bookstore. So I brought with me my new book (on loan, also from Liz, not coffee-ated, however) for January.

And started reading. By the time I got into my dentist appointment, I was on page 80 and quite diverted.

After the appointment was over, I called Kevin to come pick me up. He didn't answer the phone. Given that he was home babysitting Jess, I thought it likely that he was changing a diaper or something and would call me back in a minute.

I sat down and started reading.

Nothing. 20 minutes later, I called again. No answer. I beeped him. He didn't beep me back. He didn't call.

I started to get annoyed. I read my book. I finished reading the book (266 pages, but still.) I beeped Liz and Karen with my verdict and annoyances.

Eventually it occured to me to call JD, who did actually come get me, about another hour or so later. I started the book over because I was bored. I'm on page 120.

Jess had, apparently, turned Kevin's phone volume to off, so it hadn't rung. He called me back just before JD picked me up in a bit of a fret. He'd finally started wondering if I was going to finish before the end of time, picked up his phone to call me and saw all the missed calls.

So, that's been my day. Makes me question the strength of my resolve, tho, to have to sit for two hours on a cold, brick step (the office closed for lunch and couldn't let me sit inside while I waited for someone to come give me a ride.)

Posted by tisfan at January 09, 2006 04:09 PM