Play this to set the mood, if you'd be so kind.

I consider myself to be reasonably adept with computers. I know too many people who are a lot more skilled than I am to say I'm very good with them. They're network people. They know all sorts of things I don't. I was happy to be able to put my new hard drive in without making my computer a stylish black plastic paperweight, they have home networks with proxy servers and dedicated firewalls and MP3 servers and... I dunno. The works. But still, I'm not too shabby, and I can figure most things out.

However.

I hate printers. I've never liked them. We have one out of necessity, and we never use it. I don't know why Liz doesn't print very many things, I don't print many things because I hate the printer.

It's nothing specific to this printer. It's a perfectly normal, adequate representative of its profession. Which is to say it's an erratic, cranky, noisy, shuddering collection of plastic, metal strips, and ink that sometimes prints out what I want it to.

I'm sure great advances have been made in printer technology that I am benefiting from. I'm sure that this printer has chips inside of it more powerful than those used to plot satellite orbits just ten years ago. Those advances are almost indectable, based on casual use.

Let's start with the moving parts. Printers are about the only computer peripheral that has moving parts on such a wide scale. The next closest thing I can think of are CD/DVD drives, which just spin. Printers... printers are the Rube Goldberg contraption of computer peripherals. If you have any doubt, if you get a chance and the opportunity, watch the twitchery that goes on to load a piece of paper from the hopper into the printer. The whole thing reeks of people thinking, "Well... if this plastic bar is knocked against the base of the stack of paper hard enough, and the roller is tacky enough... yeah, it should grab a piece of paper. Or two. Or eight. Or maybe none."

And then there's the dubious thought processes behind clearing a clogged ink nozzle. Induce the printer to spew ink out at as high a pressure and rate it can manage in the hopes that the gush of ink will dislodge any clog or lump. Gee, thanks. Ink cartridges are so cheap I don't mind losing gobs of ink on that hacky attempt at repairing the problem it caused.

Why, yes, I have had to wrangle the home printer a bit lately. Why do you ask?